Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
GoodNight
But, its time for me to go and crawl into bed with this amazing man until its time for him to get up for work himself. i really am falling in love with him. Head over heels. And this is a wonderful feeling. i wish everyone in the world could feel the love i have in my heart for this man...it doesnt compare to the love i have for my boys, because they have my whole heart. i wish i had 2 hearts, so they both could have a whole heart. but i will share my whole heart w/the three most amazing men i have in my life. Love my boys, and love my man forever..
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Tuesday (already)
today i was putting away cloths, and i stumbled on some items that belong to my boys. Normally i just put them with the rest of their things and pay no mind, But these items were ones they loved to wear, their favorite cloths. And i lost it. I was crying over laundry. I miss my lil men, getting them up in the morning and getting my oldest off to school. Coming home and hanging out and spending time with my youngest, then going to pick up my oldest and spending the rest of the night playing and spending time with them. How can anyone willingly NOT want their kids? I had to give mine to my mother because i literally lost everything, but it killed me then, and its still killing me. I want them back. It hurts me so bad. My youngeset called his grandma his ''other mommy'' that right there makes me feel like i have failed as a parent, as a mother. I am supposed to be my childrens only mother, no one can replace me. But i think that its happening. I've been away from my babies for too long. I wont be able to see them until at least february. That would make 6 months that i have been with out them. just thinking of that makes my heart break. all i have to say is....
EPIC FAIL FRENCHIE, EPIC FUCKING FAIL
i cant keep my kids, i cant keep my house, i dont deserve any thing in my life but failure.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The way i feel about Him
I have the most wonderful boyfriend. He treats me like a queen. Like a woman should be treated. When he kisses me my whole body tingles, and he makes my heart skip a beat when he walks in the room and smiles at me. He calls me his baby and says he wants to stay with me forever. I couldnt ask for a better man. I've had some bad relationships, and i thank god that i have found a good one. I always said i would never get married again, but i most certainly would consider it if he was to ask me. I wish every woman could feel what i feel, and have the love that i have. Every woman deserves it...as does every man. This feeling is sometimes unexplainable, which is always the best way to describe it.
May all you fellow bloggers out there find love, Live, Laugh Love, never forget the good times, and dont dwell on the bad times. The past is the past for a reason..and the people that are in your past that arent in your present, dont deserve to make it to your future.
Sunday Night Thoughts..
This is going to be the first of many blogs, im not sure how many people will read what i write, but i'm going to write anyways.
I normally keep a hand written journal, writing is more personal to me, u can get more of a sense of what the writer is feeling just by looking at the handwriting. But, i have way too many nosey people in my life that just read what i've written and blow it completley out of proportion. Its always been that way. i even put a warning label in the journal. "If you cant handle what i've written, DONT read it." Self explanatory, but often ignored.
I am not going to put my identity out there. I feel i dont need to. Nobody knows who i am, so really what does it matter right? Well, still, not going to happen. I want a place where i can say whats on my mind, and not have the people in my life throw it in my face. i will however give you some information on myself. Just basic info...i am a 27yr old female, i live in South Carolina, i am currently still married, fixin to do the whole divorce thing (thank god) and i have 2 beautiful boys. I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man. I'm sure that will be all about me right now.
I worked overnight last night, got out at 530 in the morning. i hate it, i am not a night person. i would rather be snuggled in the bed sleeping instead of sitting here just passing time. Another reason i hate working overnight is that i am a severe insomniac to begin with, and then adding having to be up all night, not cool. I take seroquel to help me sleep. It works, but i refuse to take it unless i have a night off (like thats going to happen) because i dont want to sleep the day away. My boyfriend went to church this morning, so i stayed in bed. Church isnt my thing. I've tried, just cant do it. I have too many different beliefs in my life, and going to church just doesnt fit in with those. My mother is a wiccan, my father loves church and loves god. I have always been very interested in religion, when i was in school i would study all of them. Every religion is different, but the main thing about the western religions, like christianity and jewish religions, they worship a god, a man/being, that you can not physically see and touch. i am a firm believer in sight, sound and touch. i believe that people should worship and give thanks to the ground we walk on, the air we breath, the water we drink. they are there in front of us, not god. But, i dont want to get into religion, because it ALWAYS sparks a giant fight. i currently live in the bible belt..i am surrounded by religion on a daily basis. but as i was saying, my boyfriend went to church this morning, and i stayed in bed. When he got back from church, he went and worked for a little bit, and i still stayed in bed. I was completly exausted, i have been up for days due to the insomnia, after a few days i will crash and sleep for what seems like forever. When he was done working, he woke me up. i have nothing to do half the time, yes, i do have kids, but that is for another blog, because its a whole story in itself. i didnt do anything else the rest of the day. just played cards and smoked a couple blunts. Yes, i smoke my weed, i love my weed. i have always loved it. And no, i dont smoke it around my kids, i didnt smoke when i was preg, and i dont put it first, its recreation, not an addiction. my kids always come first. And now i sit here working. well, blogging, and ''working'' gotta love it.
Well, i think thats it for right now. Alot more to say, plenty of days left in my life to say it.
I normally keep a hand written journal, writing is more personal to me, u can get more of a sense of what the writer is feeling just by looking at the handwriting. But, i have way too many nosey people in my life that just read what i've written and blow it completley out of proportion. Its always been that way. i even put a warning label in the journal. "If you cant handle what i've written, DONT read it." Self explanatory, but often ignored.
I am not going to put my identity out there. I feel i dont need to. Nobody knows who i am, so really what does it matter right? Well, still, not going to happen. I want a place where i can say whats on my mind, and not have the people in my life throw it in my face. i will however give you some information on myself. Just basic info...i am a 27yr old female, i live in South Carolina, i am currently still married, fixin to do the whole divorce thing (thank god) and i have 2 beautiful boys. I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man. I'm sure that will be all about me right now.
I worked overnight last night, got out at 530 in the morning. i hate it, i am not a night person. i would rather be snuggled in the bed sleeping instead of sitting here just passing time. Another reason i hate working overnight is that i am a severe insomniac to begin with, and then adding having to be up all night, not cool. I take seroquel to help me sleep. It works, but i refuse to take it unless i have a night off (like thats going to happen) because i dont want to sleep the day away. My boyfriend went to church this morning, so i stayed in bed. Church isnt my thing. I've tried, just cant do it. I have too many different beliefs in my life, and going to church just doesnt fit in with those. My mother is a wiccan, my father loves church and loves god. I have always been very interested in religion, when i was in school i would study all of them. Every religion is different, but the main thing about the western religions, like christianity and jewish religions, they worship a god, a man/being, that you can not physically see and touch. i am a firm believer in sight, sound and touch. i believe that people should worship and give thanks to the ground we walk on, the air we breath, the water we drink. they are there in front of us, not god. But, i dont want to get into religion, because it ALWAYS sparks a giant fight. i currently live in the bible belt..i am surrounded by religion on a daily basis. but as i was saying, my boyfriend went to church this morning, and i stayed in bed. When he got back from church, he went and worked for a little bit, and i still stayed in bed. I was completly exausted, i have been up for days due to the insomnia, after a few days i will crash and sleep for what seems like forever. When he was done working, he woke me up. i have nothing to do half the time, yes, i do have kids, but that is for another blog, because its a whole story in itself. i didnt do anything else the rest of the day. just played cards and smoked a couple blunts. Yes, i smoke my weed, i love my weed. i have always loved it. And no, i dont smoke it around my kids, i didnt smoke when i was preg, and i dont put it first, its recreation, not an addiction. my kids always come first. And now i sit here working. well, blogging, and ''working'' gotta love it.
Well, i think thats it for right now. Alot more to say, plenty of days left in my life to say it.
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