noone in my life understands really as to y i am not celebrating the holidays. half my family is either in NY or KY, my kids are in Alabama. So really, whats the point? its not about the presents or any of that commercial b.s, it has to do with Family! i want to be around family for the holidays. and i'm not. sure i have an amazing boyfriend. he treats me so good, i couldnt ask for a better man. but its just not the same. My boys are my life. And without them...its just not the same. i'm not the same. I am just an empty shell walking around. I stay high because it makes me feel better. Keeps me from thinking too much about my crappy life, and the stupid idiotic decisions i have made in the past few months. My mother and her lawyer have set such high standards for me in order for me to get the boys back. sometimes it just seems so far out of reach. but i know i can do it. i will get my boys back. i made a promise to my youngest....i will have him back by his bday...and i dont break a promise to my kids..NEVER!
but i am just going to treat christmas like any other day. Because to me thats all that it really is..Just another day. I was thinking of taking a seroquel and sleeping all day. turning off the phone, and just ignoring everyone and everything. my boyfriend isnt having that. He wants a tree and presents and dinner and to be together. i feel bad that i dont want to celebrate, i dont want to bring him down too.
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